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From The Naughty American, September 14, 2007

It Takes A Lot Of Class To Write Filthy Songs

BOSTON (TNA) – It’s an interesting artistic dichotomy, but writing dirty words is easy while writing dirty songs is hard.

That’s the dirty little secret songwriter Red Peters has learned in his 20 years as perhaps the filthiest songwriter in America.

 Red Peters

Former altar boy Red Peters
is now America's filthiest

Peters has been responsible for puerile pop tunes such as “Blow Me (You Hardly Even Know Me),” “When I Jerk Off, I Think Of You,” and the immortal “You Promised The Moon (But I Preferred Uranus).”

Although the lyrics are completely tasteless, Peters and partner Ed Grenga say in order for them to work, the music has to be completely polished smooth to have the intended effect on the listener.

“Some songs take months to finish because you have to make them sound in the proper musical style,” Peters said. “For instance, our song, ‘Ballad Of A Dog Named Stains,’ is based on the old schoolyard joke where you say, ‘Come Stains!’ We spent months listening to old Walter Brennan spoken word records in order to get the sound that we wanted.”

Peters, who turned 57 in July, admits he’s always had a dirty mind, and credits his “repressed upbringing” for making his career possible.

“I was an altar boy and considered becoming a priest,” he said. “However, once I got into high school and discovered girls, things began to change.”

The former Pete Peters hasn’t always revealed his outrageous alter ego to the public, except in occasional spurts, such as a 1970s rock group called “Gross National Products” that released tunes like “Pee Flaps And Low Blows” to an unsuspecting public.

“I’ve recorded ‘straight’ music such as jingles for years, but I always did fucked up music on the side,” Peters said.

Sometimes he even did it during the serious jobs, which is how he recorded his first cult hit, “Blow Me (You Hardly Even Know Me).”

“Me and Ed had the idea for months and whenever we’d do a serious job, we’d ask some of the musicians to stay over and add parts to the song until, eventually, it sounded like a real big band record.

“We then took it to an after party that was at this trade show, and had somebody put it on and people fucking flipped out!”

That was the start to a career that provided steady laughs and, occasionally, steady work.

“There haven’t been a lot of peaks so, luckily, there haven’t been a lot of valleys either,” Peters said. “That’s because I take a professional approach to this. I know if I have a good idea and I know if I have a sucky idea.

“For instance, I had the idea for ‘When I Jerk Off, I Think Of You’ in my head for a couple of years and knew I wanted it to be my single for 2007. So I spent a lot of time working on lines like The girl at my bank/ Has me yanking my crank.”

The end result of all the hard work? Peters has received lots of support from music lovers, perverts and Howard Stern, who has been playing songs since 1996.

In fact, Stern has hired Peters to host the “Red Peters Comedy Music Hour Radio Show”on Sirius Satellite Radio. It’s a fun gig for Peters, even though he has no idea what Stern thinks about it.

“I proposed the idea to him when he first went to Sirius and he accepted it. But, since then, I’ve had no input, which, as an artist, I’d appreciate.

“I asked one of his producers what Howard thought and told me, `Oh, he likes it. If he didn’t, you’d hear about it.’”

Hosting a radio show dedicated to dirty ditties is fun for Peters, but the job doesn’t always make him happy with the state of novelty music in America.

“I get submissions from all types of artists,” he said. “But they’re rude, crude and disrespectful to women, which I don’t think is funny. I have a lot of female fans and I think it’s because they see that Red Peters is a vulnerable guy who makes mistakes.”

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