Holy Shit, It's Christmas!

(Grenga/Stevens/Johnson/Lawry)

Red Peters with The New Christy Hamsters

SFX - Jingling bells, intro music bed, etc.

(off in the distance) "Ho, ho, ho....."

Hamster #1 - "Did you hear that?"

Hamster #2 - "Hey everybody, Santa's here!"

Hamster #3 - "Aw, there ain't no Santa Claus."

Hamster #2 - "There is, too!"

SFX - knock on door

Hamsters - "He's here!!!"

SFX - door bursts open

Red - "Ho, ho, ho... Merry Christmas boys!"

Hamster #1 - "Aw, shit, it's Red Peters..."

Hamsters - "Awww..." (grumbling in unison)

Red - "Come on you swinging hamsters, get over here. We're gonna sing us a happy Christmas song."

Hamster #1 - "Oh no, not another corny, stupid song."

Hamster #2 - "Yeah, no way Red."

Hamsters - "Yeah, yeah..."

Red - "Get over here and sing or I'll ring your little necks!"

Hamsters - "OK!, OK!...jeesh!"

SUNG
Grab your nuts hamsters, gather round with me
forget about out all that teasin'
we're breakin' out the holly and aluminum tree
cuz it's that jolly season
I know you been naughty, but have you been nice
that's only Santa's business
he's makin' his list and he's checkin' it twice
Holy Shit, It's Christmas! (HAMSTERS)

HAMSTERS
Santa comes just once a year
just like you Red, that's what we hear
he's got a soft spot for reindeer
especially Rudolph's derriere

knock it off fellas it's a holiday
go on give santa a big kiss
you can play hide the hamster on a one horse sleigh
Holy Shit, It's Christmas! (HAMSTERS)

(instrumental)

Red - "Hey, what happened to my lyric sheet? Anyone seen my lyric sheet?"

Hamster #1 - "Heck, we don't need no lyric sheets, Red.
We know our parts by heart. Right fellas?" (giggles)

Hamster #2 - "Yeah, sure, I know my part, Godfried." (giggles)

Hamster #3 - "Yah, me too!" (giggles)

Red- "Well that's great guys, I love Christmas songs."

SUNG
(Godfried) - Santa tried reaching up the neighbors blouse
after drinking all the eggnog

(Bruce) - camped out in the bathroom for an hour or two
squashing off a yule log

(Raliegh) - he wandered in his undies all over the house
but we minded our own business

(Hamsters) - til we caught him stuffing hamsters up a gift wrap tube

(All) - Holy Shit, It's Christmas!

(Red) Santa comes just once a year
up the chimney he'll disappear

(hamsters) keep on the look out for Mr. Gear
hamster deliveries in the rear

Red - (grabbing the lyric sheet, speaking...) "Gimme those lyrics!!!"

roastnuts chestin' on an open fire
santas tongue stuck to the doorknob
his balls got fondled by a carolin' choir
while the parson gave him a hand... what?
the sleigh came down and took him away
that whole damn crowd was dismissed
it was time to be jolly, a time to be gay
Holy Shit, It's Christmas! (HAMSTERS)
Holy Shit, It's Christmas! "
Holy Shit, It's Christmas! "
(end)

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