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One fan's review of
I Laughed, I Cried, I Fudged My Undies

World's Greatest Fan Album Review-John Parks I Laughed, I Cried, I Fudged My Undies cover

In light of the worthless, weak-willed and totally clueless review from the twerp at SCREW mag, I have decided to rate the CD "I Laughed, I Cried I Fudged My Undies" as a whole...compilation. Also track by track input of how I feel about each song.

Here goes:

The Scale:

* Sucks almost as badly as some humorless puke at SCREW magazine
** Pretty damn bad. If you like this, you should work for SCREW magazine
*** Middle of the road. You don't subscribe to SCREW, but you look at it sometimes.
**** Very Freakin' Good. You have a sense of humor and an open mind.
***** An Absoulute Fu#*ing Classic. If you like this you should be President.

The Review, song by song:

Baby Blue Intro (featuring narration by Pinchloaf)
This track gives the listener a taste of what is to come and successfully informs the listener as to the origins of Red Peters. By setting the table for what lies down the road, the listener is both enlightened and given a preview that he or she can't resist. The next song on the album can't come soon enough thanks to this brilliant intro.
Rating: ****

Blow Me
How much more direct can ya be!!! This song grabs ya by the shorties and won't let go (as if you would want to anyway). Plus, how many of you fellas have ever had the stones to be like Red and just come right out and say it. This song not only entertains us, it lets us live our humble, servile oral desires through him. A knockout punch of a song, and in the very first round.
Rating: *****

How's Your Whole...Family?
A clever little ditty that once again appeals to the scoundrel in all of us. This song also covers nearly the entire spectrum of sexual activities from getting the pants down to getting a little polishing for your pipe. Some turd smoker at SCREW mag made a point in his review to use this song as his main target for ripping the CD. Maybe he hasn't had his pants taken down to the cleaners (or anywhere else) for some time. SRS (Sperm Retention Syndrome) has a way of making people cranky and humorless. Grab a clue bud, or at least grab your wood...handled broom and get rid of some of that bitterness.
Rating: ****

The Two Gay Irishmen
This song just absolutely FU#%ING SLAYS ME every time I listen to it. The Irish accent, the Irish names and the theme of this tune are just First Fucking Rate (sorry, but to do this song justice I just had to use the Fuck word). The best part is I can just picture a bus load of these fellers in the Irish countryside on such a trip.
Rating: *****

Rocket in My Pants
Again, a direct approach to laying it on the line when trying to obtain the puddin'. This song combines a wonderfully fluid musical arrangement with Red's determined but subltle confessions. This here song is Red at his vocal best. I'm considering playing this some night at home and seeing how well it goes over with the wife during a romantic moment.
Rating: ****

Holy Shit, it's Christmas
Finally, an original Christmas song that touches on all the Christmas taboos we have all thought of before. Everyone is tired of the same old Christmas Crap, like another horseshit cover of Jingle Bells or the "Whoever's Popular Now Christmas Album" of the same old boring stand by's. If anyone out there says they've never thought about Santa getting drunkor squeezing the cheese after a hard night of tippling and delivering toys, they're probably lying or just plain lame.
Rating: *****

Ballad of a Dog Named Stains
Clever, yet touching. Salacious, yet somehow heartwarming. The country-western style musical arrangement and Red's nostalgic portrayal of Grandpa almost make us feel like Stains was that little pup we may have had in our younger days. You can hear the passion in Red's voice as he laments the loss of Bobby and Stains. This is the "Old Yeller " of dog songs.
Rating: *****

The Dark Years
Whom among us doesn't have a past. We've all got some skeletons hidden somewhere, and most of us are too high minded to admit it. Not Red Peters. With brutal honesty Red takes us into the dark valley of his career's low points with this tune. Accompanied by the expert narration of Pinchloaf, we are able to see that although a man might be down and possibly out, he always comes...back on the sheer will of his heart and the truth of his talent.

Without this song on the CD I don't know if any of us could really truly appreciate all that Red has done. A biographical tour-de-force capsuled into a six minute song. Pure Genius.
Rating: *****

Little Peter
I like this song particularly because a man should feel that although "Peter" (or whatever name we may give him) is a part of him, it is also a companion, confidant, and friend. This tune lends creedence to the theory that no matter how alone a man might feel, he's always got a little buddy. So remember fellas, don't neglect your little pal for too long a time. You never know when you might need him.
Rating: ****

You Promised The Moon (But I Prefer Uranus)
Another sore point with the dork from SCREW. Let's face facts folks, damn near everyone has made those planetary Uranus jokes. Red Peters only takes it to a new and higher level. Once again, jazzy and cool musical accompaniment lays a nice foundation on which Red goes to work. Plus, who hasn't wanted to try, whether they be straight or gay, the old back door just to see what all the fuss is about.
Rating: *****

Baby Blue
The perfect way to wrap things up. Jazzy piano and Red's smooth voice lulling the listeneralong until that final word. Simple yet provocative. We all wish we could say that Baby Blue Me just a little more often.
Rating: *****

I will bypass review of the party mixes, simply because I feel the review of the album version of these tracks does justice to any mix that they are put to. Basically, this album Fucking Rules. I've had several friends listen to it and all have given positive, if not overwhelmingly enthusiastic, reviews to the humor and music contained in the CD. Overall the album receives from this reviewer 5 out of 5 stars on the aforementioned scale. Keep it coming Red, we need more stuff like this to counter balance all that crap out there.

Reporting for Who Gives a Shit Publications, I am John Parks. Thanks and see you down the road.

P.S. Anyone who disagrees with my review of this CD is free to eat shit.

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