When I Jerk Off, I Think of You

(Stevens/Grenga/Johnson)

Red Peters with the Alan Pinchloaf Singers

When I jerk off I think of you

When I jerk off I think of you

when I close my eyes

I fantasize

your face on my mind (that’s what he says)

we start to dance

your hand down my pants

I don’t mind going blind (it’s a wonderful attraction- he creates his own action)

When I jerk off (when he jerks off)

I think of you (and you, and you, and you, and you, and you, and you, and you, and you, and you)

when I jerk I think of you, dear

the girl at the bank’s (ooo)

got me yanking my crank (ooo-ooo)

but she doesn’t have a clue (oh no)

that when I jerk off (ba-do-ba-do-ba)

I think of you (supposedly you’re the one he thinks about when he pulls his pecker out)

spoken-

Darling, when I close my eyes, I only see two people- you and me (we don’t believe it)

No really, because you are such a perfect vision of beauty, there’s no way I can imagine myself with anyone else (yeah right)

and I picture you running into my arms in slow motion

and I could F... make love to you forever, and ever and ever (that’s impossible)

and at that moment our bodies and souls become one

I love you so much. You light up my life. (what a wicked bunch of bullshit!)

When I jerk off (when he jerks off)

I think of you (and your sister, and the stripper last night, and the broad down the hallway)

When I jerk off (five times a day)

I think of you (no way!) dear (nobody does it to just one)

the oil on the shelf

helps me pleasure myself (do-do-do-do)

and think of those things you do (do-do-do)

cuz when I jerk off (when he jerks off)

I think of you (he’s a fucking liar- his pants just caught on fire)

when I jerk off I think of you

when I jerk off (when he peels his bonana)

I think of you dear

I have to confess

that I make a mess

my underpants stick like glue (that’s gross)

cuz when I jerk off I think of you

(the girl at the bar, the one in the car, your sister, your mother, your cousin, your brother, hey!)

and nobody else!

when I jerk off (when he jerks off)

I think of you

(he pulls out his pecker, he’s a pecker wrecker, he jerks off and thinks about you!)